He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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