How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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