The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
