Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
