i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
