I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Someone signed my nipple.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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