I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
