I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i need some magic done to my vagina
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
