Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
