1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
