haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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