no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
