if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
