Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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