You smell like stripper and shame
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
