Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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