I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
