i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
