And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
