walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
