The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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