she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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