i don't like sucking hair
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
