it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
