Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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