You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
