his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
