just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
