I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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