so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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