What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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