Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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