Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My feet surprised me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
