i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
