I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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