forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
