yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
