yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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