she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
