Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
