does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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