just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize