I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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