i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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