i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
