We won't sleep together?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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