yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
