Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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