If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
