Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
