i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
