Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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