Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
