You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Life is so much better after having sex.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
