he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need to calm my uterus...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
