theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
