make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
