I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
