I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
