what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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