He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
