Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
