if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
