You just made me feel so damn special
Someone shit on the floor
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
