OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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