And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
