So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
