this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think my moral compass just broke
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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