you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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