You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize